Setting of the Play:
The Yarra River at Fairfield
GodzillaPin (of course)
The Ninja Turtle (in a supporting role)
Our dear friend Ducky
And… the elusive, mysterious, sexy Naked Mole Rat
Ducky and the Naked Mole Rat were old friends of the Ninja Turtle. After a long time of not seeing one another, they finally got together for a little reunion.
After plenty of fun doing various slightly questionable activities
… like elf-hunting…
… climbing pipes to stick slaps…
… and interpreting local art…
They went down to the riverside and made a day of it.
And Ducky made the most of the situation by cracking the whip on GodzillaPin and the Naked Mole Rat. It was less “row, row, row your boat”, and more “row, row, row, death row”.
All was calm. All was peaceful. The tranquility was remarkable. They saw little ducklings.
Fluffy, fluffy ducklings… duckly duckly fluffings.
They paddled upstream, then floated down stream again gently. They let the currents push them along, bobbing around a bend, when all of a sudden, they heard a child’s piteous wail. It was the most unearthly sounding horror and it shattered the scenic silence that had thus far enveloped the story, save for a brief megaphone announcement calling out for two teenage boys to “come back, your mother wants you to turn around”.
The quartet looked around. They detested being roused from their pleasant reverie of companionable silence. There, not forty yards from their boat, was a family of tourists stuck upon the riverbank, and their boat was wedged into the bank. The young girl was crying to go home. A passing boat carrying a young couple requested: “Can you help those guys out? They are stuck and don’t know how to paddle.”
What followed was rather dramatic. The young couple failed to make much progress paddling upstream against the currents themselves, and were rescued by the two teenage boys who were earlier called back by their mother on the bank. The family stuck on the riverside managed to unwedge themselves with some directions from GodzillaPin. As instructions were called out, it became evident quite quickly that the two men on the paddles could not only NOT work together, they could not even work alone. Something had to be done. And quick.
Yarra River Rescue! (Like Bondi Rescue, only 1000% funnier.)
The Naked Mole Rat and GodzillaPin aimed towards the other boat, and Ducky quickly seized onto the rope. Thus began the heroic efforts of the lads to paddle back upstream with another full-to-capacity boat in tow. They rowed harder than they ever did before, and after five minutes, someone in the group noticed that they had done little more than beat the currents, for they hadn’t budged from the same spot. Another strategy was called for.
GodzillaPin had the most rowing experience in the group, having done it in high school. Hence, he was sent over to the other boat, while one of the men in the other boat had to come over to balance out the rescue boat. This also gave GodzillaPin less weight to carry. The Ninja Turtle and Ducky then took over the paddling to give the Naked Mole Rat a much-needed break. Suddenly, they were sailing along smoothly again.
GodzillaPin was such a good rower that despite there being one of him paddling for 5 passengers, and two of us for 4 on board, he beat the rescue boat to the boat hire point. The family was very relieved, and the patriarch of the family gave every one on the team a handshake. They found the much maligned teenage boys at the platform being told off severely by their mother, with one of them protesting “but we were saving people!” but the mother would have none of it.
Alas, the friends didn’t get to see the Badger, but they sure had one heck of an adventure
This tale will follow them for life; their bonds strengthened once more by shared strife
And the riverbank’s calm thusly restored, we hope our dear readers have not been bored.