Arts and Culture

A Whole Lot of Nonsense

Language Showdown

Languages are difficult, as the couple can attest
And how the duo bicker over which language is the best
Too often one has to faire gaffe, in case one makes a gaffe
Or risk the confused fury of their better half

So here is GodzillaPin’s case, on why English is rot
Even abiding by the rules, one is often caught
In a snare of exceptions, suffusing the written word
And even worse when said aloud, for he’s often been misheard

The nightmare that is –ine, it never fails to thrill
The Ninja Turtle when he reads aloud the following spiel:
The car I drive has a strong engine, in it, I’m feeling fine
Oh how I love that speed machine, of which I do call “mine”

Of plurals so irregular, he never quite understood
Why bother writing up the rules, he’d ignore them if he could
He wore a sock on his left foot, but shoes on both his feet
Yet if it were a left boot, did that mean he wore beet?
In France he taught her to eat geese, how she does love a fat goose
To go along with smelly cheese – or does she just eat choose?
Thank God they have no mice at home, for good cheese loves a mouse
Just as Turtle loves her rice, she eats them rouse by rouse

And now the Ninja Turtle shall expound her view
Why French, for Anglophones like her, is simply pas facile
If I’m rather thirsty, je bois un verre d’eau
But bois is also where a lot of big trees grow
And when I’m late, je rate le train
Yet rate is spleen, you know
And pêche is what she eats, when she pêche un poisson
From an étang which truly étang*, it was her péché mignon

When the Turtle asks Lapin to get a small job done
Understanding what he means is only half the fun
It’s hard to tell if he means no, as when he says, c’est pas fait
Or if he’s done it perfectly, like when he says c’est parfait

So which is really harder, English or Français?
Both make no sense to newbies, so it’s really hard to say
Yet a small consensus, the couple, they have reached
If you think learning’s challenging, wait until you teach!

* OK, to be fair, this one is Breton, but it still counts.

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